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Finally I'll own up to it.

Obviously I didn't write this next paragraph, another woman vet did, but it's what I've been feeling since June:

I spent nearly a year in Iraq. How do you go back to normal life after something like that? You can't just turn it on and off. Home looks the same, but I'm not. I'm harsher; I'll get in these moods where I go from happy-go-lucky to "get away from me." I have nightmares. I can't stand it when a balloon pops. I'm less trusting.

I have more problems with fireworks.

I promised pdx42 I'd go to the Vet Center on Thursday.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
wombat_socho
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:33 pm (UTC)
I hope they can help. In the meantime, for what it's worth, I'll be praying for you.
desert_vixen
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:02 pm (UTC)

I'm harsher. Part of that is working with the AIT students. Part of it is the job combined with single motherhood, I think.

I don't know if it's related more to the deployment or the divorce, but I don't like to be randomly touched, especially by men. Like Monday morning, one of the male instructors kind of poked me in the side, and I about ripped his head off.

I've thought at least once a month about going to see a counselor, but I'm not sure what I would say.

(((((( ))))))
kishiriadgr
Dec. 15th, 2010 01:21 am (UTC)
"My personality has changed in XYZ ways and I don't like it."

I'm thinking there's still fallout from Brian's betrayal, too.
prushrush
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:34 pm (UTC)
Huge, huge hugs.

I hope that they can help you, or refer you to someone who can.

I'll he hoping for you and sending positive energy your way.
elevengirl
Dec. 15th, 2010 12:10 am (UTC)
Thinking of you and sending many good vibes.
caprine
Dec. 15th, 2010 12:36 am (UTC)
I send good wishes.
kwokj
Dec. 15th, 2010 03:24 am (UTC)
I hope they can help. I'm glad you're starting the process.
gorski
Dec. 15th, 2010 05:02 am (UTC)
Thoughts & prayers will be with you, Teppy.
helenkacan
Dec. 15th, 2010 07:27 am (UTC)
I'm glad you expressed it. Sometimes, until you actually do, it's merely theoretical.

I know this isn't actually a solution, but could you try for more cuddle therapy with the cats until you go see someone. That's the wonderful thing about cats that you can be you with them ... and stroking them is very calming.

Sending you serene thoughts.
kishiriadgr
Dec. 15th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
The problem is that it hits unpredictably. I had a flashback in a nice mellow setting; ebenbrooks's and caprine's last concert in a coffee house, for heavens' sake.

When you learned to shake off a mortar hitting close enough to shake your building and keep working on that transcript without thinking more than "Gee, that was a close one", your brain has rewired itself very un-naturally and it's going to take a while to un-knot, if it ever completely does.

In the meantime, I've doubled my Paxil dose.
firstashore
Dec. 15th, 2010 11:32 am (UTC)
I had some stuff like that for a few years after the Solomons, which was weird because while it was stressful, nobody ever actually fired a round while I was there (other than less-lethal riot stuff). And we certainly never had incoming indirect.

Never got anxiety attacks before the tour, not once in my life. Afterwards I got them a lot for about two years. Now they seem to be fading.

Anyway, sounds to me like seeking help could do you some good. Let us know how you go?

Thinking of you guys, hope to get over there sometime soon.
fitfool
Dec. 17th, 2010 12:55 pm (UTC)
I hope you get the help you need. Whenever I see fireworks, I feel saddened a bit by the idea that some vets have a harder time (or can't anymore) enjoying fireworks displays. Seems ironic.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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